The Sarcastic Mom

New Year's Organizing Revolution!

01/01/2013

Hello boys! I'm baaack! I know, I know. My last post was in April. I moved. Cross country. From Arizona to Kansas.
Yes. You heard me.
Kansas.
Long story.
That has to be for another time, another post. Now I work full-time as an elementary school secretary (really? who says secretary anymore? I prefer ad-min or savior with a small "s"). So my life has drastically changed in the last eight months. To say the least. Again. That's for another post.

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Last week sucked big kahunas part dos

04/21/2012

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Where was I? Oh yeah. The paint brush. So with the little irritating burs finding their way under my saddle, I continued on. I remembered how much I hated painting. Oh right. I already said that.
I stopped for the evening. I decided to go with some of my camp family to a Greek Orthodox Easter Service (seems they go on a different calendar than the rest of us). The catch? It started at 11:30 PM. I have never been to a Greek Orthodox service before. It's very different than what I am "used to". Very different indeed. Not bad mind you, just different. Three hours later I'm home asleep in my bed. It was a long service.....
Being sleep deprived and decorating your daughter's room don't really go together. Around noon the next day I had a meltdown. I felt like a schlep as my husband worked all day the day before and also worked that morning. And he comes home to a pile of tears and hopelessness. But I knew that I couldn't bury it and pretend nothing was the matter. He came home and made everything so much better. We put back Captain Obvious's room even though it wasn't completely painted. Then he took me out to lunch.
I felt like a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. Do you ever feel so overwhelmed that you are frozen in your tracks? That was me. I couldn't move. My Gorilla Man saved me from myself.
Now that it's Saturday, April 21st, her room still isn't completed. It IS painted thanks to my BFF, Agent Analytical. She came and helped me finish the room. So all I have left is putting some ribbon on the wall, hanging a few things and then it's complete. Thank GOD for the people in my life. Without them I would fall apart!

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Last week sucked big kahunas.

04/16/2012

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WARNING: I will probably swear in this post. Don't read if you are easily offended. Then again, if you are easily offended, why do you even read this blog?

I don't think life sucks. Just sometimes. Take last week for instance. I didn't blog. I don't think you would of wanted me to anyway. But truly, sometimes life sucks balls and then you move on. It's not a permanent thing.
Yesterday I had a meltdown. Since being on Prozac AND Wellbutrin I don't have them as often, but yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. Let me see if I can remember what happened so I can re-live my misery to tell to you. See how self-sacrificing I am? All y'all are so fortunate to have me!
Last week was a freaking overwhelming. It was "I suck as a mom, wife week". Maybe we need to declare is a national holiday like "Hamburger Awareness Week". There needs to be a "I suck as a mom, but not really week". We all have them. I knew I wasn't going to go all ape-shit, but I felt like shit. You know what I'm talking about. Male or female we have ALL been there. If you haven't then you are self-medicating with something. It was like a black wool blanket was thrown over my head. These pre-med emotions came back like they had never left. Here's what I was thinking:

Why can't I control what I eat? I'm the heaviest I have ever been and I suck.
Why can't I persevere and get the damn house clean? Instead I watch TV.
How do other mom's seem to have it all together, so much better than I?
Maybe I should give up on the whole weight-loss thing. The whole meal plan, cleaning plan, getting my kids to do ANYTHING plan. It's a hopeless cause.
I can't do anything on my own. Why is that? Am I so stupid that I have to have my friend hold my hand while I do ANYTHING? How pathetic is THAT?

So in the midst of my overwhelmingness, I thought that I could paint my daughter's room, hang a few cute things and be done by Sunday.

There are times when I am a dip-shit.

Captain Obvious is a slob. Her room had layers of trash "paper, gum wrappers etc". The more we cleaned the angrier I got. Then I thought that if I was a more consistent mother this wouldn't of happened. We pulled every last scrap of paper, every sock, nail polish bottle and colored pencil out of her room and into the living room. The dishes still were in the sink from two nights before, so the whole house looked like the start of a soon-to-be Hoarders episode.

Then the painting began. I HATE painting. Now I hate painting with a middle schooler. Captain Obvious would dip her trim brush in the bucket of paint, raise it up and paint would drip everywhere. I'm very particular about my paint brushes. I don't like it when paint gets on the handle, or creeps its way up and collects in the metal part of the brush. It ruins a very good brush and there is no need for that. I sound like my dad.

Okay, I have to pause here for a bit to get ready for work, but I promise I will finish my story. I might be more motivated to r

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Vanity Plates Part 2

04/09/2012

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I imagine all of you have been chomping at the bit (yet another Missouri saying) wondering if I got personalized license plates for my new-to-me Thunder Cloud (the big grey Suburban). The answer is NO. Not yet anyway.

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Easter Parade. Good Movie, bad Parade.

04/08/2012

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Call me inquisitive. Call me curious. When I was young, my mom introduced me to musicals. LOVE them. So when I watched Easter Parade, I wanted to know what spawned the movie. Go off to Wikipedia I go.
You can read it here. I'm not going to copy it here. You guys can read. Can't you? The long and the short of it is that at the peak of the Easter Parade rich people would get all decked out in their finery and walk 5th Avenue New York. Kinda like the Academy Awards. It was a bigger retailer than Christmas at one point. Now it's a mockery of they whole thing, which I find quite amusing. It's like the people are saying, "Screw you and your expensive clothes! Your diamonds, fur coats (before PETA reigned) and finery mean nothing!"
So go ahead and Google "EASTER PARADE" and look at the images.
Happy Easter!

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Lazy Two Days. I'm paying for it now.

04/05/2012

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I have GOT to stop watching Netflix. Or rather Catherine Cookson BBC mini-series. It seriously messes with my house. Pun intended.
As Gorilla Man is working two jobs and kids, well never mind about that, I am the cleaning lady of the house. It's not that I am bitter about this, really I'm not. But if I have to wash ONE MORE DISH......
So for the past few days I played hooky.
And now I'm paying the price.
I have a crusty Jack LaLanne juicer and green beans in a skillet that I left on the stove last night. I'm looking around and there is schite everywhere. No wonder Gorilla Man left the house early to have his "quite time" and "went to work early". Coward. Doesn't Gorilla Man know about "choreplay"? Dang. Won't work. Aunt Flo is visiting this week. Rain check?
So instead of cleaning the chaos in my house, I'm writing about it. Yeah. That's gonna work. PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one that does this. Maybe we need to create a cleaning coo-op where moms go to each other's houses and power cleans.
Alright. I'm feeling guilty. I'm going to post and then clean. Maybe Gorilla Man will have clean underwears by days end.

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Vanity Plates. Why yes. It IS all about me.

04/03/2012

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Gorilla (The Husband) does not like vanity plates. Maybe if they weren't called "vanity plates" he wouldn't be so, soso about it. Because I have the bestest friends in the whole, wide freaking universe, I am now at a point where I need to go to the DMV and get new tags for my new-to-me Burb that I call Thunder Cloud. I just now made that up. Seriously. It just comes. I have a gift, I know.
Right now, I have the plates in the picture. Currently I'm conducting a survey on The Sarcastic Mom Facebook Page trying to decide if I would want to change them. I may have already decided what I want to do, but vote anyway.
Vanity plates when I was a kid meant that being rich. Then again, $25 for any kid is a lot of money.

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Spice it up!

04/01/2012

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My alphabetized spice rack. One of two.

I have decided that Sunday is my day to immerse myself in one of my favorite pastimes....organizing. Or maybe it's looking at organization
I am NOT a born organizer, but I do get a teensy weensy excited when I see ways to make my life easier. Here is one thing that I did all by my little girl self. I organized my spice rack. As finances always seem to be an issue, my spice rack had to be affordable. World Market had just the right size and price. I bought 30 of these spice bottles you see here on your left (is that my left or your left?) for .99 cents a piece.

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